Out, Darn Spotlight Transcript

The following is a transcript of Out, Darn Spotlight

(atom fade in)

(location: school)
(zoom out of "Macbeth in Space" poster)
Sheen: Macbeth in Space?! This is gonna be the greatest school play ever! 'Cause it's in space! And it's about Macbeth! (pause/turn to Carl) Uh, who's Macbeth?
Carl: : I don't know, some guy with a girl's last name.
Ike: Principal Willoughby wrote it with somebody named... William Shakespeare.
Oleander: Isn't he the custodian?
Cindy: Libby, this could be my big break! A talent scout might come to the play, see me, and put me in my own TV show!
Libby: Yeah, right. And I'm gonna marry Smally BigBig and live in his house in Beverly Hills.
Cindy: Ah, that's nice.
Bolbi: (standing on table) Bolbi be in play! Bolbi act good! Bolbi to be, or not to be?!
Sheen: Bolbi, chill!
Bolbi: Chilling. (freezes up with freakish smile)
Carl: So which part are you going to try out for, Jim?
Jimmy: I'm not. School plays are just excuses for kids to get up and make fools of themselves. Macbeth in Space? It sounds silly, ridiculous, and, and... (sees Betty approaching) ... the most beautiful thing in the world.
Betty: Hey, Jimmy. Trying out for the play? I'm going to try out for Lady Macbeth. See ya. (walks by)
Carl: (gasp) Oh, yuck! There's a kissing scene between Macbeth and Lady Macbeth!
Jimmy: Outta my way! (runs to table) I got to be in this play!
Bolbi: (still frozen) Falling... (falls off of table)
(atom transition)
(location: home)
Jimmy: To prepare for my audition, I researched Shakespeare, Scottish kings, and... and downloaded the Keanu Reeves acting crash course. (as Reeves) Whoa-ho-ho-ho! Is this a laser sword I see before me?
Judy: Ah... That was very...
Hugh: Ooh-hoo! That was stink-o-roony, Jimbo! Open up a window! Ha!
Judy: Hugh!
Hugh: But luckily, I can help you. Ya, know I used to tread the boards back in the day. Oh, yeah. I'll give ya some good acting tips now. (deep breath) You might want to write this down son. When you want to act mad, do this. (growl) Now if you want to act happy, which is different than mad, go like this! (giggle) Now if an anvil drops on your head, you'd go, uh, "Ow! There's an anvil on my head! Ow, it hurts!" And that's pretty much all there is in acting. Buh-bye! (walks off to other room)
Judy: Hugh? Where are you going?
Hugh: I have no idea.
(location: school)
Principal Willoughby: Okay, here we go with the auditions, people. Let 'em hear ya in the cheap seats!
Nick: Will all the great oceans of Mars wash this space creature's mucus clean from my hand? LADY MACBETH!
Principal Willoughby: Ladies and gentlemen, we have found our Macbeth!
(Jimmy is disheartened)
Miss Fowl: Principal Willoughby, that's not fair. What about the others?
Principal Willoughby: But Nick is s-- Alright. NEXT!
Betty: I'll be reading for the part of Lady Macbeth.
Principal Willoughby: Ladies and gentlemen, we found our Lady Macbeth!
Miss Fowl: She hasn't even read yet!
Betty: My great Glamus of the galaxy, let one kiss upon your lips speed you to victory.
Jimmy: Ladies and gentlemen, I found my Lady Macbeth! (boys stare at him) Guh..mmm... Sorry...
(Carl clears throat)
Principal Willoughby: LOUDER!
(Carl continues to clear throat, resulting in coughing)
Principal Willoughby: LOUDER!
(Carl mumbles)
Principal Willoughby: Carl Wheezer, you cannot be in this play if we can't hear you! You are wasting our time if--!
Carl: IT'S NOT MY FAULT! (wheeze) I DIDN'T EVEN WANNA DO THIS! MY MOM FORCED ME! SHE SAID IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR MY SELF-ESTEEM!
Principal Willoughby: Ladies and gentlemen, we found our first witch!
Carl: (bows) Thank you.
Principal Willoughby: LOUDER! (Carl angrily turns around)
Cindy: Since the part of Lady Macbeth is still available, I'll take it. I'll need a big dressing room, and when you send flowers the opening night, I prefer long-stemmed roses with the thorns removed, of course, (chuckle) and--
Principal Willoughby: We found our second witch.
(Cindy is disappointed)
(flash transition)
(Libby screams)
Principal Willoughby: Okay, there's Witch #3.
(Libby is satisfied with role)
(flash transition)
Sheen: Who's the star of this thing? It's this Macbeth dude, right? I want to be him!
Principal Willoughby: Over my dead body... Sheen, I see you more as Soldier #5!
Sheen: What!? A lousy soldier? No way! Forget it! I'm outta here! (throws paper)
Principal Willoughby: He gets to carry a laser-spear!
Sheen: Laser-spear?! (pleading on knees) For the love of Ultra Lord, please let me be Soldier #5!
Jimmy: I'm reading for the part of Macbeth. (poor acting) A spaceship, a spaceship, my kingdom for a spaceship.
Principal Willoughby: Yeah. Thanks, Jimmy. Don't quit your day job. We will now--
Bolbi: Wait! Wait! You forget Bolbi! I act! I act good.
Principal Willoughby: (sigh) Alright, Bolbi, give it a try.
Bolbi: (gasp) (in deep voice) Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. (Jimmy, Betty, and Nick's jaws drop to dramatic piano chops) It is a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
(Miss Fowl blubbers wiping away tears)
Principal Willoughby: Yeah, sorry, don't see it... So, we got our witches, Nick as Macbeth, Betty as Lady Macbeth, Sheen as the unimportant part, and by default, Bolbi will have to be Rangun the Space Pirate.
Bolbi: Is role I born to play!
Betty: Oh, I'm sorry you didn't get a part, Jimmy.
Jimmy: No big deal. I don't care. I didn't really want to be in the play. (now begging on his knees) You gotta put me in this play! I'll do anything! Even... stage crew.
Ike: Ay, Principal Willoughby. What do you think of my flying machine for the witches? (hanging from rope/falls on stage) Uh... maybe I should sell tickets instead?
Principal Willoughby: Jimmy? Can you make outer space appear on stage and create fantastic visual effects all on the budget of $17?
Betty: Do it, Jimmy! You could make some really cool stuff! (saxophone music)
Jimmy: Principal Willoughby, you found yourself a stage crew! (happily, eyes Betty)
(atom transition)
Jimmy: This should impress Betty more than some stupid part. I'm going to make the most amazing special effects the world has ever seen!
(montage of Jimmy putting effect machine together/machine is successful)
(atom transition)
(location: school/everyone gets ready for the rehearsal)
Jimmy: Hi, Betty. Do you want to see my Neutronic Storminator? It can create rain, thunder, and lightning!
Betty: Sure, Jimmy.
Principal Willoughby: Come, my dear. Time for the romantic love scene with Macbeth!
Betty: Oh, I'll see you later, Jimmy.
Carl: Whee! Oh, Jimmy, these hover shoes are totally cool! I love being a witch!
Libby: P.W., you know these lines, "Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble"? I was thinking we could funk it up a little, like this...
Principal Willoughby: I love it. Do it! But not right now.
(Libby is disappointed)
Bolbi: Principal man! Why is Rangun space pirate not in the Act of 5?
Principal Willoughby: Oh. Because he falls off a hundred-and-fifty-foot cliff into a crater of boiling lava.
Bolbi: Aw, so sad. But happy for Bolbi! I am acting good! (rolls off stage down steps while screaming)
Sheen: Avast, ye space pirate! You have awakened the fury of Soldier #5!
Jimmy: Careful, Sheen. Remember, it's a real laser. You could...
(Sheen blasts Chuck Lester’s hat/Chuck is mad)
Sheen: Hey, Jimmy, can you help me with my line?
Jimmy: I'm kind of busy here. I got to set up the storm cloud, and--
Sheen: (rough) My lord, your wife, Lady Macbeth approaches. Or (deep voice/spoken fast) my lord, your wife, Lady Macbeth approaches. Or (Mexican accent with mustache) mi lord! Your wife, Lady Macbeth approaches!
Principal Willoughby: Alright, love scene! Let's do it!
Nick: Kiss me, my queen of the galaxy.
Betty: Kiss me, my king of the stars.
Principal Willoughby: Now go in for the big kiss. Really plant that sucker!
(Jimmy watches in despair behind effect machine/makes storm cloud appear over Nick's head/Betty backs away)
Nick: (spitting out rain/coughing) Hey! Watch it, Neutron!
Jimmy: Sorry, Nick! Won't happen again! (soft evil cackle)
Cindy: I'm wise to you, Neutron. You did that on purpose.
Jimmy: Accidents happen.
Cindy: Just don't try anything funny when I'm on stage because if anyone messes the show up, I mess them up!
(atom transition)
(families walk into school)
Mrs. Vortex: My daughter Cynthia is the star of the show.
Hugh: She's Macbeth?
Mrs. Vortex: No, she's a witch.
Judy: (disgusted) So I hear.
Miss Fowl: Five minutes 'til curtain!
Principal Willoughby: Attention, people! Center! My old college roommate at Vassar, Corky Shimatzu, is here! He's scouting girls with attitude to play the lead in a new TV show... "Spunky Girl"!
Cindy: This - is - my - big - break! If any of you do anything wrong tonight, I will kill you!
Principal Willoughby: That's it, Cindy. Now lock it! Okay, everyone! Break a leg!
Sheen: Do we have to break our own legs? Can I break Carl's leg?!
Principal Willoughby: Saying "Break a leg" is an old theater tradition since it's bad luck to say, "Good luck"!
Sheen: Oh, I get it! That makes perfect sense! (soft/to Carl) He's Wack...
(Carl makes slashing motion with hands)
Libby: Uh, has anybody seen Nick?
Principal Willoughby: Nick?! The star of our show?! The boy playing Macbeth? That Nick?!
Carl: Hey! Here comes Nick on his skateboard going really fast and doing some extremely dangerous tricks that could cause him to--
Nick: (screams as he flies through the air) DUDE!! Oh, man, I broke my leg!
Sheen: All right! That's good luck! Way to go, Nick!
Principal Willoughby: He can't go on! We can't do the play!
Bolbi: No play?
Jimmy: (happy) No kiss?
Cindy: No fame?! This show must go on!
Libby: Who's going to play Macbeth?
Carl: Well, someone would have to have a photographic memory and be able to memorize super-fast.
All: Like Jimmy?
Jimmy: Me? I can't! I'm not a guh-guh-- I can't!
Principal Willoughby: Look at me. Look at me! You are going out there a lowly, dirty stagehand, but you've got to come back... A STAR!
Jimmy: (gulp) B-b-bu-bu-- I--!
Betty: You can do it, Jimmy.
Jimmy: Ladies and gentlemen, you found your new Macbeth.
(atom fade out/atom fade in)
Miss Fowl: One minute till show time!
(kids walk around and chatter)
Jimmy: Memorize, memorize... Got it! (winces) I hope...
Principal Willoughby: Jimmy, you're going to be a fabulous Macbeth! Now show Sheen how to operate the special effects.
(Sheen shocks himself/slowly sticks out tongue)
Jimmy: Okay, Sheen. All you have to do is press the buttons...
Sheen: Got it!
Jimmy: I'm not done. Press the buttons one at a time...
Sheen: Got it!
Jimmy: I'm not done! Press the buttons one at a time when they light up. (pause) I'm done.
Sheen: Got it!
Betty: See you on stage, Jimmy, I mean, Macbeth.
Carl: Hey, Jimmy, um, I thought we agreed that we didn't like girls.
Jimmy: We don't. Betty is a woman.
Sheen: Got it!
(Cindy opens curtain to look at Corky/smiles and walks back to stage)
Cindy: Corky Shimatzu's in the front row! Just think Libby. After I get discovered tonight and become a big star, I'll be living in a mansion in Beverly Hills.
Libby: Yeah, right! And I'm going on a world tour with Shoot Puppy Dog Boy.
Cindy: That's nice.
Carl: (walking backstage alongside Jimmy/Sheen gets shocked in the background while he's talking) Hey, Jimmy, I heard that the play Macbeth has a curse and you're not supposed to say "Macbeth," because if you say "Macbeth," bad things will happen because you said "Macbeth", and we've been saying "Macbeth" a lot. And congratulations on getting the role of Macbeth. (gasp) I SAID "Macbeth!"
Miss Fowl: It's show time!
Principal Willoughby: (clears throat) Bonswa, and welcome to the world premiere of Macbeth in Space! (clapping) Thank you. The part of Macbeth, normally played by Nick Dean, will be played by--
Mrs. Vortex: I bet it's my Cynthia! She could play all the parts! I once played all the parts in Snow White, even all the dwarfs - Happy, Zippy, Smiley, Gloomy, Cranky, Medic, Shy-Eye, Drowsy, Narcoleptic--!
Principal Willoughby: Mrs. Vortex? We do have a little show we'd like to start.
Mrs. Vortex: Continue.
Principal Willoughby: (soft) Thank you. (loud) The part of Macbeth, normally played by Nick Dean, will be played by Jimmy Neutron!
Judy: YAY!
Hugh: Whoo-hoo! I'm going to go give Jimbo a few last-minute acting tips before he gets started.
Judy: (pulls him back to seat) He'll be fine, Hugh. After all, he is a genius.
Principal Willoughby: (zoom in to stage) Twas long ago, in a galaxy most far, far away...
(Cindy, Carl, and Libby are seen as witches in play/Cindy smiles and waves at Corky/Libby pulls her back to stage/hip hop music plays)
Libby: (rapping): Double, double, toil and trouble.
Carl: (rapping); Fire burn and cauldron bubble!
Cindy: (rapping): Old handkerchief and smelly sock, rotten eggs and classic rock!
(music stops/Jimmy enters stage via robo-spacewalker)
Libby: Hark! Great stomping mechanical feet approach!
Jimmy: (now good at acting) How now, ye warty hags?
Cindy/Libby/Carl: All hail Macbeth!
Jimmy: But I am not king!
Cindy/Libby/Carl: King you soon shall we say we witches three!
(Again, Cindy smiles and waves at Corky/Libby pulls her back to stage/scene changes)
Jimmy: How now, Soldier #5? What sayest thou?
(Sheen smiles big, opening mouth but uttering nothing/crickets)
Miss Fowl: (to Sheen/soft) My lord, your wife, Lady Macbeth approaches.
Sheen: (to Miss Fowl/soft) I know! I was just taking a dramatic pause! (once again, he smiles big, opening mouth but still uttering nothing) What was it again?!

Miss Fowl: (soft) M'lord, your wife La--
Sheen: Macbeth lady! Your... m'lord approaches, wife!
Principal Willoughby: Oh, why didn't I use a puppet for that part?
Betty: (slides onto stage) Macbeth, Macbeth, where for art thou, Macbeth, my greatest love?
Jimmy: Hi! I mean, uh... greetings, wife! Witches from another planet have prophesied me king.
Betty: But to gain the crown, you must vanquish Rangun the Space Pirate.
Jimmy: 'Twill be easy with my robo-spacewalker.
(Goddard throws him plates/Jimmy blasts them for practice)
Cindy: (in audience, wearing a nose and glasses) Um, Mr. Shimatzu? Would you like a cappuccino while watching the fabulous performance by the beautiful Cindy Vortex playing Witch #2?
Corky Shimatzu: No, thank you, sweetheart. No distractions for the Corkster.
Hugh: (taps Cindy/she turns around) Can I have a mocha espresso with plenty of sugar?
Cindy: Yeah, right.
Old lady in audience: Sshhhhh!
Hugh: Exactly, yeah, shh the milk so it gets all foamy.
(Cindy groans)
Principal Willoughby: (off screen) Vortex! Get your tookus back on stage! (she comes back)
Betty: But soft, what piercing comet through yonder portal breaks?
(Bolbi flies in)
Jimmy: Rangun the Space Pirate!
Bolbi: Friends, Molvexians, countrymen, lend me to your ears! I have come to bury Macbeth, not to praise him.
Jimmy: Get thee to another galaxy!
Bolbi: Ha-ha! Now is the winter of your discontent!
Jimmy: Maketh my day.
(Jimmy and Bolbi fight with laser swords, moving all around the set/Betty watches/Bolbi flies around and manages to snatch Jimmy's laser sword, using both to fight/Jimmy gets sword back, and the two fight like before/Jimmy's sword falls so he snatches Bolbi's/Jimmy sticks it under Bolbi's arm)
Bolbi: I'll be backeth, a plague on all your galaxies, parting with such sweet sor-row! (falls to ground dramatically)
Cindy: (to audience) Hello, everybody! My name is Cindy! What's yours?! (she tap-dances with sparklers)
Mrs. Vortex: Smile, baby!
Principal Willoughby: What? (scrolls through the script) There are no tap-dancing witches in my play. Hello?
(Libby grabs Cindy and accidentally throws her on the Neutronic Storminator)
Sheen: Alright, it's button pushing time, Sheen! Work your magic!
Jimmy: Kiss me, my queen of the galaxy.
Betty: Kiss me, my king of the stars.
(Hugh and Judy smile and scoot close/Principal Willoughby and Miss Fowl smile and scoot close/Sheen and Carl smile and scoot close, then turn away in disgust)
(storm cloud appears)
Me thinks I hear a storm approaching... a little too early! Sheen, what's going on?
(tornado appears from out of Neutronic Storminator)
Jimmy: Unwelcome visitor! (gets out sword) Doesth thou desire a piece of me? (grunts/chops tornado, failing/screaming)
(tornado spins to center stage and picking up all actors)
Cindy: Neutron! You're ruining my career!
Libby: You're ruining my hair!
(Carl laughs like a witch while riding a bike)
Principal Willoughby: My beautiful play! I think I'm going to faint. WHAT A WORLD! (faints)
Jimmy: Disable! Tornado!
(tornado escapes school through doors)
Sheen: That wasn't too bad. I thought it was going to be much worse!
Jimmy: It will be. In the outside atmosphere, the tornado will increase in size.
Hugh: (to Judy) I don't usually like the classics, but this is pretty good.
(tornado grows/sky turns gray/tornado lifts debris, cows, and school/all scream)
Jimmy: I'll have to reverse the direction of the tornado. (snatches Bolbi's jetpack)
Bolbi: What doing, Jimmy? Bolbi need jetpack in Act 5 for return from dead as spooky ghosty.
Jimmy: If I don't stop that tornado, we might all be spooky ghosties! (flies out up into space) Set jetpack to hyperdrive. (changes knob from "Fast" to "Are You Crazy!?"/he spins around tornado in opposite direction/school falls slowly)
Principal Willoughby: Jimmy Neutron! You ruined my show! (crowd cheers loudly) Strike that. Jimmy, you're a genius!
Sheen: (contained inside cardboard box) What? (breaks out from box) What am I, chopped jalapeños? These buttons don't push themselves ya know!
(Miss Fowl and Principal Willoughby dust themselves off)
Bolbi: How was Bolbi? You like? Two thumbs over?!
Principal Willoughby: Bolbi, m'lad, I want you to star in my next play, Hamlet on Ice!
Bolbi: Is another role I born to play! (they both walk off to distance)
Cindy: (panting) Ehh! Why, Mr. Shimatzu! I didn't know you were here! (giggle)
Corky Shimatzu: Corky is everywhere show biz is, cause Corky is show biz. I must ask you a very important question, small child.
Cindy: My answer is yes! I would love to be star of your new TV show "Spunky Girl"!
Corky Shimatzu: Fan-tas-tic! But you are not my superstar! Where is the genius who played Witch #1?
Carl: (excitedly runs to Corky) That's me! That's me!
Corky Shimatzu: How would you like to be my Spunky Girl?
Cindy: Carl can't be Spunky Girl! He's a boy!
Carl: (coy look) Guilty as charged.
Corky Shimatzu: Wait... Corky has super brilliant idea... Change title to... Spunky Boy!
Libby: Hey, Corky, you're gonna need some hot funk for that show, and I'm the girl who can bring it! (plays riff on Muzak keytar)
Corky Shimatzu: Super crazy! (phone rings/he spins phone and answers) Go, babe. Talk to Corky. What? No more spunky show? (growls/hangs up) Eh, that's show biz. Call me. (finger gun motion) Will do brunch. Ciao. (he leaves stage)
Sheen: Sorry I messed up your machine, Jimmy... But it was awesome! But you didn't get to kiss Betty... But the whole school flew up in the air! But I ruined the play... But we went into space! But we almost burned up during the entry... (Jimmy walks away)
Betty: Hey, Jimmy. Too bad we didn't get to do our big scene. But I guess I can still give you a kiss for saving our lives. (she kisses him on cheek)
Jimmy: I love show business.
Principal Willoughby: And it loves us, Jimmy. This was truly the most fabulous night of our lives.
Carl: Um, is that why we're tipping back and forth?
(the scene cuts revealing school to be atop mountain)
Principal Willoughby: (enraged) JIMMY!
(all scream as it tips to their right)
Sheen: Awesome! This is even better than when we went in space! Everybody, lean to the left!
(all scream as it tips to their left)
(atom fade out)