Love Potion 976/J Transcript

[Note: In this episode, the usual atom irises at the beginning/end of each episode are heart-shaped. Also, the usual atom transitions are replaced with hearts, to reflect the Valentine's Day theme.]

(heart fade in)

• Miss Fowl: Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, children, a day when hidden, untamed desires bewitch our hearts. Plus, ya get free candy!
• Libby: I'm sending one card to each member of Guys to Boys to boost my odds. How are your valentines coming?
• Cindy: Almost done. I just need my mom's lawyer to look them over, so I'm not obligated to pursue relationship. (puts PENDING stamp on her valentine)
• Carl: (reading) Dear Fudgey-pops, I love you very, very, very, very... (thinks and writes) very, very, very, very, very, very, very...
• Jimmy: Gah, this is dumb. (holds out photo of Curie) The only female I've ever been attracted to is Madame Curie, the mother of modern radiology, in a purely platonic way of course. (Sheen tries to eat glue in the back)
• Emily: Place the heart center. Over more! Now! Okay now, add more macaroni to symbolize your devotion to me.
• Oleander: But honey dumpling, the paste is making me woozy.
• Emily: So, you don't love me.
• Oleander: Oh.
• Emily: More macaroni!
• Oleander: Kay...
• Jimmy: Yuck! How could a regular guy like Oleander sink so low?
• Miss Fowl: Oh, Jimmy, it's only a matter of time before your young heart is impaled by the pointy darts of love. Coconut haystack?!
• Jimmy: A matter of time, huh? Not if I can help it. (squeezes his coconut haystack)
• (heart transition)
• (location: Jimmy's backyard)
• Carl: Hey, Jimmy. We got here as soon as you called. Let us in. (Sheen picks his nose)
• (they both scream as Jimmy opens hole, and they fall into his lab)
• Jimmy: Gentlemen, you are about to witness the completion of my most dangerous experiment yet! More powerful than the atom bomb, more lethal than an orbiting space laser. I give you... Pheromone #976/J.
• (robotic arms use eyedropper to pour single drop into beaker, thus creating steam and heart cloud)
• Carl: It's horrifying! What's a pheromone?
• Jimmy: It's the chemical hormone that makes boys like girls. One whiff of this stuff will make a guy fall in love with the first girl he sees.
• Sheen: You madman! What have you done?! It's got to be destroyed! (grabs axe and heads toward beaker)
• Jimmy: Sheen, no! I'm going to use the pheromone to develop an anti-love vaccine!
• Carl: But Jimmy, girls aren't so bad. I mean, they have good communication skills, and they almost never beat you up after school.
• Jimmy: Carl, do you want to end up like Oleander? (Sheen throws axe)
• Carl: You mean defeated, numb, stripped of his own free will?
• All: Euleughh!
• Jimmy: Well, the same thing's going to happen to us unless I can develop an immunity serum first. I'll keep the pheromone inside this vacuum sealed containment area until the vaccine is fully developed. Any questions?
• Carl: Can I check my e-mail? I wanna make sure my "Cheese of the Month" is on its way.
• Jimmy: Sure, Carl, the computer's over there. Hey, Sheen, help me lock down the sprocket inverter.
• Carl: This month's cheese is gouda-feta.
• (Sheen and Jimmy stare at each other and then Carl/then they walk away)
• Carl: Huh. (choosing computer) Eeny, meeny, miny... mo. (presses red button with hand symbol, causing robotic arms to spin pheromone beaker's platform around) Come on... (randomly presses button, making robotic arms toy with beaker)
• (Carl pushes computer/grunting/robotic arms push beaker off platform/they high-five, fist bump, and point at each other)
• Carl: Jimmy? Your computer's acting funny.
• Jimmy: Just a second, Carl.
• (computer screen flashes words "DANGER!!! DANGER!!!" as he pushes computer with feet/vent opens and pheromone comes out)
• Jimmy: Aw, it's no use, Sheen! We'll have to get flange spanner up in the house. Be right back, Carl.
• Carl: Sure thing, Jim.
• Cindy: Look, Libby! It's Lose and Loser!
• Jimmy: (cringes in anger) Oh, yeah, Vortex?! Well, for your information--! (turns toward Cindy and points at her in anger, only to immediately go from being angry to lovestruck upon seeing her and fantasizes her as scientist) Oh, humnahumnahumna... (chuckle)
• Libby: Good comeback, Count Dorkula! (She and Cindy laugh)
• Sheen: Jimmy! Don't let her talk to you like that! She--! (turns toward Libby and points at her in anger, only to immediately go from being angry to lovestruck upon seeing her and fantasizes her as female Ultra Lord) She's like some beautiful queen of the galaxy, strong yet yielding.
• Jimmy: Humnahumnahumnaumnahumnahumna...
• Libby: I got to go. It's been a real stimulating conversation... (Cindy points at Libby in anticipation) not! (they both laugh)
• Sheen: Wait, your royal subject bids you command him! (runs after Libby)
• Cindy: E-ew! What's your problem, freak boy?! (pushes him/Jimmy laughs stupidly) I'm outta here, King Cranium! Cause his head's so big! (sigh) That's rich.
• Jimmy: Me-see-you-soon-day! (Cindy cringes at him/then she scurries away in fear/she looks back at Jimmy/Jimmy makes goofy faces at her before changing his face back to normal) Me-see-you-soon-day?! That was a stupid thing to say! Wait, why do I care what Cindy thinks? And why did I become lost in her limpid green eyes? I've been in the lab too long. (Carl opens door on him/Jimmy is dazed and falls over/Carl walks to Jimmy's house)
• Carl: Um, excuse me, Mrs. Neutron?
• Judy: Yes, Carl?
• Carl: Have you seen Jimmy and She..... (immediately becomes lovestruck upon seeing her and fantasizes her as giant gingerbread woman) Ooh, Mrs. Neutron, you smell like pine cones...
• Hugh: Sugar booger! How's my little bundle of fun? (kisses her on cheek/)
• Jimmy: (flies in hover car around Retroville) What's wrong with me? I've got to get Cindy out of my mind! Maybe if I just concentrate. Think of prime numbers! (sees Retro Tan billboard with woman in bikini/Cindy's face appears on woman's head/Cindy winks/Jimmy screams)
• (Jimmy uses hover car to speed through red light/other cars honk and almost collide)
• (Officer Tubbs waves to stop Jimmy/in Jimmy's mind, Cindy's face replaces Tubbs' face)
• Jimmy: (sees clouds turn into Cindy's face) Oh, no! I got to face the truth! I've fallen in love with... Cindy.
• (Libby opens her door)
• (Sheen dances and makes high-pitched noises)
• Libby: What are you doing?
• Sheen: I'm proving my love by performing the Archerian Dance of Wooing from Episode 921, The Courtship of Ultra Lord's Father.
• Libby: Well, cut it out! I don't want the neighbors to see you!
• Sheen: My queen is chagrined.
• Libby: I'm not your queen! Now get off my lawn!
• Sheen: But shiny one! I bear gifts! (holds out melted Ultra Lord figure)
• Libby: What - is - that?!
• Sheen: His name is Melty face. He was very first action figure. I retired him after a horrible steam iron accident, but he's still my favorite.
• Libby: And you're giving him to me? Wow, that's really nice.
• Um, Libby, will you do me the honor of going out with me tomorrow?
• Libby: Actually, I have to go... do... (Sheen is seen begging) Sure, why not? It might be fun.
• Sheen: Yes! (does dance again)
• Libby: Okay, you got to stop doing that.
• (Carl throws two small rocks at window, merely bouncing off/then he throws bricks and makes a huge hole in window/Judy comes to window)
• Carl: (singing) Oh, Judy, well you came, and you make me some cookies? Will you- (sees Hugh is walking out, gasps) Let me have is beautiful you can't destroy it.
• Hugh: Alrighty then.
• (Carl angrily dings the triangle 6 times)
• (heart transition)
• (back to Jimmy)
• Jimmy: Found her! My adorable little angel is at the Candy Bar.
• Libby: And then, when I got inside, I discovered that Melty face needed a really good washing.
• Cindy: Ew. Libby, what are you thinking? Sheen's almost as bad as Neutron.
• Libby: But he's cute... in a clueless, hyperactive kind of way.
• Cindy: Libbs, you can do so much better. A girl should never have to settle for anything less than the perfect valentine.
• Libby: Oh, yeah? Well, what's your idea of a perfect valentine.
• Cindy: Well, if you really want to know... (special light effects/singing) He'll comply with my every demand! My valentine will know who's in command!
• Libby: (singing) Will he be good in school?
• Cindy: He'll do my homework every night!
• Brittany: (singing) What if he's a fool?
• Cindy: He'd better get the answers right! He'll honor and obey! He'll do just what I say, my valentine!
• Libby/Brittany: My valentine.
• Libby: He'll hold you in his arms.
• Cindy: (dances with Wendall/throws him on floor) I'll show him moves he's never seen!
• Brittany: He'll rule you with his charm.
• Cindy: He'll know his Cindy is supreme!
• Libby/Brittany: He'll honor and obey, he'll do just what you say, your valentine.
• Cindy: My valentine!
• All: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
• Sam: Scold him and keep him down and slap him just for talking back! Owooo!
• Cindy: One wrong move, then he's out the door!
• Cindy/Libby/Brittany: And that's a simple fact!
• Libby/Brittany: Will you belong to him?
• Cindy: Yeah, right! That's in your dreams! He'll clean my house 'til it glimmers, and it gleams! He'll honor and obey! He'll do just what I say!
• Others: Ooh-wa, wa, wa, wa. (x2)
• Cindy: My valentine!
• Others: My valentine.
• Sam: Yeah.
• (song ends/lights fade out)
• Cindy: That's why I won't settle. I know that someday, that special, magical someone will appear when I least expect it.
• (Jimmy crashes his hover car in front of window and hurries inside/Libby and Brittany scream)
• Jimmy: I can't talk, I can't think. Everywhere I go, you're there!
• Cindy: What kind of sick joke is this?
• Jimmy: "Oh, you're going to make me say it, aren't you? Alright then, I'll say it......I love you Cindy Vortex! "
• Cindy: (gasps and her jaw drops)
• Libby/Brittany: (gasps and jaws drop as well, while Libby's jaw drops literally to the table and Brittany picks it up)
• (They all laugh/Cindy splats ice cream in Jimmy's face/Sam stops laughing and mad walks to Jimmy)
• Jimmy: Mmm... pecan ripple your favorite.
• Sam: You messy little hooligan. I was clean that floor 8 months ago. You're out of here! Yeah, yeah. (throws Jimmy out the door)
• Cindy: I don't get it. Why would Neutron purposely embarrass himself like that?
• Libby: Have you considered the possibility that he actually does like you?
• Cindy: Oh! It can't be! But it's the only explanation.
• (Jimmy walks home sadly)
• Cindy: Hey, Dweebtron! So, ya like me, huh? Well, what are you prepared to do about it?
• Jimmy: Wanna come over to the lab tomorrow, watch a movie? (pause) How's 2?
• Cindy: Hmm. I'll give you one chance, Neutron. But if this is a trick, you'll have to go back in time to make sure you were never born!
• Jimmy: I did it! She likes me! She's going to go out with me! I made a date with Cindy! (pause and thinks for a minute) NOOO!
• (heart fade out)
• (heart fade in)
• Jimmy: This is it. This is the day! I got to get ready for my date with Cindy! Oh, no! Look at this mess! Switch to vacuum mode. (Goddard does so/Jimmy looks at himself via reflection on screen cover) Hmm, not bad, but these clothes have got to go. Goddard, wardrobe change RP829. (Goddard gives him Hugh Hefner-esque clothes/Goddard's jaw falls off in awe) Access holographic room imaging, file name, Hef. (room changes according) Let the dating begin.
• (heart transition)
• (Libby is blind-folded and Sheen directs her across street)
• Libby: So where exactly are we going?
• Sheen: You'll know soon enough, oh, bringer of pain and delight. (he walks her in front of car, which honks)
• Libby: Sheen! Could you cut that out?! Look, the whole goddess thing is flattering, but it gets very old very quickly.
• Sheen: Really, then we're going to have a slight problem.
• Libby: How come?
• Sheen: Because I have erected a glorious drawing to your divine essence! (removes her blindfold to show her throne of Ultra Lord action figure boxes and torches to the side)
• Libby: What the--!
• Sheen: I used every action figure I possess to build it! I was going to go for an Art Deco feel, but then I said NO! Action figures!
• Libby: Sheen, this is so weird, but sweet... in a geeky kind of way.
• Sheen: Libby, will you be my valentine? (holds out heart-shaped card reading "BE MY ULTRA LOVE")
• Libby: Sure, Sheen, of course I'll be your valentine.
• (heart transition)
• (location: park/Hugh and Judy are having picnic)
• Judy: Oh, Hugh, what a perfect way to spend Valentine's Day.
• Hugh: And there's no one else I'd rather spend it with, pudding-pants. Here comes Mr. Walkyman. (Judy giggles as Hugh walks his fingers on her arm) I'm walking on the moon. Walkin', walking', walking', walking'.
• Judy: Hugh! Oh, Hugh! (giggles)
• (monkey does Mr. Walkyman as well/he chatters)
• Hugh: Monkey! Gyahhh! (Judy screams/they both stand up)
• Carl: (with fake nose and mustache) I'ma so sorry. My monkey, he's a-no bother you see.
• Hugh: Well, I'll be, an honest-to-gosh Oregon grinder! (chuckle) Oh, look at the adorable unlicensed little monkey. Who's a cute little monkey? Who's the-- (monkey grabs his face and hurts him all over) Ahh! Get him off me!
• Judy: Hugh, honey, be careful!
• Hugh: Ow! It's okay, honey! I think he just wants to wrestle! Oh! (chuckle) That's a fowl. (grunts/tries to laugh/screams in pain)
• Carl: There can be no masks between us, Judy. (removes glasses and disguise)
• Judy: Carl?
• Carl: Alone at last. (eyes closed/walks around kissing the air, thinking he is holding Judy)
• (heart transition)
• (location: Neutron backyard)
• Cindy: (knocks on clubhouse door) I must be out of my mind. (screams as she falls down tube into lab/grunts as she hits the ground/shakes head and slowly gets up) Wow, Neutron, you clean up good.
• Jimmy: Um, well, thanks, um. Purple Flurp.
• Cindy: Hehe, thanks. Listen Neutron, About this afternoon.
• Jimmy: I know, I know, I'm pretty dumb. I mean, technically, I'm a genius. What I mean is-- Ugh, this isn't coming out right.
• Cindy: Uh, Neutron, are you nervous?
• Jimmy: Nervous, me?! Ridiculous! Well, down the hatch. (spills drink on ground thinking it's his mouth/throws cup into fireplace)
• Cindy: Look, Neutron! (throws her cup into fireplace as well) I'm just as weirded out by this as you are, but you said you loved me! What's up with that?!
• Jimmy: I wish I knew. I've never felt this way before! I'm cold, clammy, and confused, but the strange thing is I think I actually like it.
• (heart transition)
• Sheen: I think that this is my favorite part of Valentine's Day. (plays gong)
• Libby: What are you doing?!
• Sheen: Well, as my valentine you must now defeat your rivals in pitched combat.
• Libby: My rivals?
• Sheen: Of course, only then can we ascend the sacred altar and take our solemn vows.
• Libby: Vows? Now wait a minute.
• Sheen: Fiale-fi! Hoy-ka! (facing old woman/holding brooms tied to rakes)
• (woman screams and walks away faster)
• Sheen: Okay, you don't seem to have any rivals. So I'll be your sparring partner! Try to overcome me with the deadly ton-thar! (throws a broom-rake to her)
• Libby: Are you having some kind of, um, episode?
• Sheen: Fiale-fi! (grunts/Libby rolls eyes) Eyaahhh! (Libby trips him and puts broom at his throat) Not bad for a beginner...
• Libby: Listen, I'm sorry, but this just isn't going to work.
• Sheen: (tries to smell breath) Do I offend?
• Libby: It just feels like all this is happening too fast. Maybe what you and I need is more time to work on our "friendship".
• Sheen: But what about our battle skills?
• Libby: Sheen, look. You're nice, but can we please take things down a notch?
• Sheen: I could do that.
• Libby: Thank you, and thanks for the card. (kisses him on cheek)
• (Sheen does dance with high-pitched noises again)
• Libby: This is going to be a long holiday.
• Carl: (still with glasses off) Judy, will you be my valentine?
• Judy: Oh, Carl, this is so... (looks at card and sees a photo of Carl shirtless posing on ground) sweet.
• Carl: Thanks. I sprayed it with my dad's cologne. It's called Bunion-be-gone.
• Judy: (smells card and is disgusted/puts card to side) Um, Carl, Mr. Neutron and I see sometimes people like to have private time, just the two of them.
• Carl: (giggles nervously) Gotcha. (whisper) What do we do with the dead wood?
• (Hugh and monkey return)
• Hugh: Well, you know what they say, it's all fun and games until a monkey bite you on the eye.
• Judy: Oh, honey...
• Carl: I'll meet ya tonight at the playground. (he and monkey make fists at Hugh before walking away)
• Hugh: I got so caught in this hot monkey action, I-I forgot to give you this. Here. Butter-bonnet, will you be my valentine?
• Judy: Oh, Hugh! Of course I will!
• Hugh: D-oh, careful now, the eye.
• Judy: Oh. (kisses him on the nose)
• (heart transition)
• Jimmy: I'm not usually very romantic, but, uh, I made this for you.
• Cindy: Uh, thanks?
• Jimmy: I-I have a question to ask you - it's a big question.
• Cindy: Spit it out, Neutron!
• Jimmy: Okay, here it-here it goes. Will you be my val--? My val--?
• Cindy: Your... val?!
• Jimmy: My va--? My va-va--? Hey, what's that light doing on?
• Cindy: Look, Neutron. We both know what you want to say, so just say it!
• Jimmy: Cindy, will you be my valentine?
• Cindy: Neutron, you silver-tongued, pointy-headed devil. I thought you'd never ask. (accidentally pushes lever) Mmm-whoa! Oh!
• (they lean in to kiss each other on lips)
• Jimmy: The pheromone beaker! It's broken! Air vent is wide open! I must have been exposed without realizing it!
• Cindy: Neutron, I thought you wanted to be my valentine!
• Jimmy: I do! But not really. I mean, you're so beautiful, but you're so gross, I mean...!
• Cindy: Neutron, do you want to be my valentine or don't you?! (Jimmy sucks her up in tube) Hey! What's going on?! Stop it!
• Jimmy: I'm sorry! I love you, but I'm supposed to hate you! I-I mean, I--!
• Cindy: Neutron, you are so dead! (she is sucked out of lab)
• Jimmy: (sigh) Her hair smells like Jasmine. Ahhh! I've gotta snap out of it! I almost kissed her! Ahhh! Gotta think, think, think...
• (zoom in to his brain)
• Carl: (in brain) This month's cheese is gouda-feta, gouda-feta, gouda-feta.
• Jimmy: Brain blast! The love pheromone works through sense of smell. By dulling the nose's olfactory receptors, I may be able to counteract its influence, and I think I know just the way to do it.
• Carl: (in brain) Gouda-feta.
• (heart transition)
• (location: school/the boys all have their own cheese necklace)
• Sheen: Hey, Jimmy. Thanks for fixing things before I married Libby.
• Carl: Yeah, and before I became your stepdad.
• Jimmy: Don't thank me! Thank your cheese of the month club.
• Libby: Way to stink of the school, Geek-tron!
• Cindy: When I think of how close we came to dating those cheese-wearing yahoos, it gives me the creeps.
• Jimmy: (smells his cheese) The sweet smell of freedom. Come on, guys, let's sit in the sun so these little beauties can ripen.
• (all walk off/Sheen turns back to Libby, waving at her/she shows him Melty face/Sheen does his wooing dance again)
• (heart fade out)