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The following is a transcript of the episode: Jimmy On Ice.
Opening Scene- it’s a bright sunny day and the guys are leaning against a fence in a backyard. Sheen is holding up a black and red color wave version of Ultra Lord to the sun.
Sheen: Ultra Lord's log, -pant, pant- trapped on the planet of incredible hotness. Water gone. Ultra Lips chapped. Can't -pant- hold -pant- out -pant- much -pant- longer aaaaaaah.
He leans on Jimmy; Jimmy grimaces and tries to get away from him but ends up in Carl’s space. He pushes Sheen away in annoyance.
Jimmy: Ah, Sheen, Sheen please it’s too hot. Don’t make us hurt you.
Sheen lays on the grass where he fell after being pushed.
Carl: -Pant- Jimmy I’m dyin’ please tell Goddard to share.
Goddard is next to a tree not far away under the shade casually drinking oil as he holds a mini personal fan to himself, he starts to give Carl some air.
Jimmy: Hhm if only there was some thermodynamically efficient way of cooling off…
Shouts and laughter from behind the fence startle the guys. Its Cindy and Libby swimming in the pool Cindy is wearing a pink one-piece swimsuit and Libby a green one.
Libby: Hi guys someday, huh?
Sheen: Yeah sure, if you, like Yunno dyin’ and stuff, all hot.
Cindy: Well I think it's wonderful!
Libby: Well, you guys want to come in?
The guys all start nodding and agreeing overlapping as they smile at the offer.
Carl: I guess if we have too.
Jimmy: Well yeah I wanna come in.
Sheen: Sure yeah!
Cindy: Wait a second, I think you forgot one thing, Libby.
Libby: What’s that Cindy?
Cindy: They have to admit that girls are better than boys in every way ever in all history and forever in the future.
Carl and Sheen: Uuuuuh.
Carl: Yeah why not hey man.
Sheen: Okay yeah sure.
Jimmy: Nono no hold it, you guys!
They go behind the fence again.
Jimmy: Listen don’t degrade yourselves.
Sheen: Why not? It’s okay Jimmy really its hot.
Jimmy: Look it I can fix this! I can, its only hot weather.
Carl: Okay well I better apply more sunblock.
Carl pulls out his tube of sunblock while Sheen fans his Ultra Lord action figure behind him
Carl: Oh look its SPF 50. Hm- Says for fair to albino skin.
Jimmy: -Eagerly- Sunblock! Carl!
Carl: What?
Jimmy: -Gentler- You’re a genius
Carl: I am. I-I am?
Later Jimmy is in his lab with Carl and Sheen, and he is dumping Carl's sunblock into a rocket.
Carl: W-well I know I’m a genius Jimmy, but what exactly did I come up with again?
Jimmy: Implementing your sunblock idea Carl! Listen if SPF 50 can shield your skin from the sun’s rays, then this quantumly enhanced SPF nine thousand should shield the entire town!
Carl: Oooh, right w—wa- just like I planned.
Goddard whimpers.
Jimmy: Don’t worry boy its just sunblock. What could happen?
Jimmy pulls a lever and the rocket behind the glass begins to rise priming itself for launch. Outside of the shed, Hugh is sitting down on the back patio with a drink glass and no pants.
Hugh: Oooooh boy, now once the heat flashes -chills himself by putting the cold glass on his face- and the nausea subside -touches his lower tummy-, I’m good to go!
He leans back in his seat and turns to the shed just in time to see the rocket launch, he stands up in shock as it flies off. In a flash of light, the lighting goes from orange to purple and then neutral. Hugh squints pulling his glasses up as he tries verifying what he’s seeing. The rocket has punched a hole through the clouds and then they thicken.
Carl Jimmy and Sheen walk outside just in time to catch the start of the snowfall, Jimmy is standing proud with a grin on his face while Carl and Sheen look on in amazement.
Carl: Jimmy! You did it! You changed the weather.
Hugh is still staring at the sky in disbelief.
Hugh: Oh, intense UV radiation has made me delusional!
He puts his finger to his lips and makes a noise as he moves his finger up and down.
Hugh: -acts silly as a monkey- I’m a monkey.
Jimmy and Sheen are looking at Hugh in concern while Carl catches snow with his tongue.
Sheen: Oh-Kay… let the games begin!
Scene change- Jimmy is at the top of a snow-covered hill with a sled. Sheen and Carl are sitting behind him on the sled.
Jimmy: Ready guys?
Sheen: Alright!
Carl: Hee-yeah! Cool!
They start to go down.
All: Yea-
The slide down is cut down short because the hill was barely taller than them.
Jimmy: We need a bigger hill.
Later Hugh is forming a snowball and winding up to throw it.
Hugh: Hheheehe! Here we- ow
A snowball hits him directly in the eye.
Hugh: Alright, I’m going to getcha gu- oh.
Another snowball hits his other eye as he winds up to throw again.
Jimmy: Woo! Look at this! look at this!
All: Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
Jimmy: I’m going to getcha!
Sheen: Heh we turned your dad into-
Carl: Okay Goddard.
The guys shout and cheer because Hugh is coated entirely in ice only his nose is free from the shell.
Hugh: Mm cold
The camera flashes to Cindy still in her pool holding her arms around herself shivering violently as she bobs in the water. It’s snowing around her.
Cindy: hh-how sssad poor Nnnneutron can't have a good t-time unless he ch-ch-changes the weather. Isn’t that sssad Libby?
She’s the only one in the pool.
Cindy: L-L-Libby?
Libby is with the guys throwing snowballs, she beams Carl right in the face knocking his glasses catty-wonk.
Libby: Woo-hoo! I gotcha! Yeah!
Jimmy knocks Sheen right in the temple with a snowball making his eyes swirl and unfocused.
Scene change- It’s night Jimmy’s window to his room is fogging over with ice he’s just settling into bed with Goddard a grin on his face. Goddard shows his screen, it displays the outside temperature.
Jimmy: 20 degrees huh? No problem boy, the sunblock should dissipate in a few days for once everything turned out perfect.
He lays down on his pillows his arms behind his back. He misses how Goddard’s screen is displaying lower and lower numbers it gets to a displayed ten degrees before Goddard hides his display and whines.
A look out the window shows the snow still steady falling and by morning the ice on the glass it thicker and just barely you can see more snow. Jimmy wakes up still in his longed position but as he opens his eyes the cold settles in, and he hops up rubbing his arms.
Jimmy: Leaping leptons! Goddard what’s the temperature?
Goddard shows the temperature to Jimmy.
Jimmy: Minus thirty? Oh no!
He runs to his window and rubs away at the window, as he looks through his frown deepens.
Jimmy: I must have made a tiny miscalculation.
The camera reveals that half of his house is entirely buried in the snow and that the layer of snow on the roof and everything else is at least a foot thick.
He runs into his lab from the sliding doors, but there is ice everywhere and he slips on the steps on his way in. Goddard leaps down and runs up to him with the sunblock in his mouth as he makes a noise. Jimmy is splayed upside-down leaning against the wall furthest from the door.
Jimmy: Carl’s SPF 50.
Goddard barks. Jimmy covers his ear with his free hand and starts to read from the bottle.
Jimmy: Warning do not quantum enhance contents may cause second ice age. -Huff- They really outta put something like that in bold print!
Later Jimmy is downstairs in the house peeking his head around the doorway from the dining room. He is sneaking around the house.
Jimmy: Maybe mom hasn’t noticed the weather yet.
Jimmy almost makes it to the front door.
Judy: J-J-James Isaac N-Neutron!
Judy and Hugh are in front of the stairs shivering and shaking.
Judy: Haven’t we warned you about t-tamping with the structure of a chaotic system?
Jimmy: We- I-I-I forgot!
Hugh: Now Jim-eh this is serious it’s so fffffreezing! Eh- part of your mother’s hair chipped off.
Indeed, if you look carefully enough her right hair swoopy is jagged and shorter than normal.
Hugh: Course it’s nothing we can’t even out with a little chisel here-
Hugh who was stroking his wife’s hair snaps off a piece at the end with a loud clack noise. Judy cries out in anger.
Hugh: Eh.
As Judy glares at Hugh, he hides the frozen hair chunk behind his back and tries to blow heat into his free hand.
Judy: -Scoff- I hope you know h-how you’re g-going to re-reverse this! This! This! -
Hugh starts to gesture with Judy’s hair chunk.
Hugh: This -eh- bad weather thingy.
Judy glares at him again and Hugh realizing what he was gesturing with hides the hair behind his back again.
Jimmy: I do! I will! I mean I-I’m-
Judy: Honestly J-Jimmy! No heat! No power! No appliances! How will we live? What will we wear?
Jimmy: I’m sorry mom, I’ll find a way to fix things I promise.
Hugh: There see butter biscuit? Eh- Jimbo’s going to find a way to fix it that’s all. In the meantime, we’ll just have to adapt to this hostile, savage environment.
A horn goes off and Hugh picks up a crude sphere.
Hugh: I got to run me, and the other dads are off to hunt caribou. Spotted a big herd up on Abner boulevard. Gotta keep fresh meat on the table buh-bye!
He runs out the door and Jimmy stands at the doorway.
Jimmy: Holy Heisenberg Goddard it really is a second ice age! Oh, I just hope no one else figures out this was my fault.
Later at the school building the entire class is yelling at Jimmy.
Jimmy: Oh, thanks for telling everyone Sheen!
Sheen: Well, I didn’t know it was a secret.
Carl: Um- I sort of told some people too Jim. Peer pressure.
Miss Fowl walks in determined while Carl is speaking.
Miss Fowl: Now, now, children. Time for study group. Okay, who has any ideas how we can escape being- BRWAA destroyed by the freezing glacier that used to be RetroVille?
Sheen steps forward.
Sheen: I know, the glacier is obviously angry with Jimmy if we feed Jimmy to the glacier maybe it’ll be placated and depart from us!
Jimmy: Ah She-en!
Sheen: Aw come on Jimmy I’m just trying to be productive.
Class: Yeah!
Nick: Sacrifice!
Butch: Sacrifice Jimmy!
Miss Fowl: Children, children please- brwaaa my goodness we can’t let a little nippiness turn us into a pack of primitive sub-humans. We must hold on to our dignity we must stand direct- brwaaa, look the world in the eye and say-
Nick shows her a thermometer that’s still going down past negative 40.
Miss Fowl: Take boy to glacier.
Class: Yeah!
Jimmy runs out of the classroom, and everyone follows behind him. Jimmy manages to get some distance on them by riding Goddard in his sled form over snow hill.
Jimmy: I don’t like it boy, colder it gets the more people revert to their primal instincts we may not have much time before it becomes irreversible!
Elsewhere Hugh is hunting with Sam from the candy bar and Another hunting dad.
Hunting dad: One called Hugh, we have hunted since the sun was high, still we have spotted no prey.
Hugh: Shh, looks like we got us a buck.
What he’s seeing in the distance is the silhouette of Jimmy in the distance
Other two: -Gasp-
Hugh: No Wait it’s a buck fifty.
Jimmy from across the field slows down as he notices them.
Jimmy: Hey its dad. Hey Dad!
Hugh: Oh, look at the antlers on him. Ooh, there’s going to be caribou chili tonight boys!
All: Uck-luck-luck ya! Uck-luck-luck ya! Ooooooh Caribou!!!!
They keep chanting as they stomp forward, Jimmy noticing their true intentions grimaces and drives away. He hides behind a snowdrift.
All: Ooooooh Caribou!!!!
Carl: Pst hey Jimmy.
Carl waves and gestures Jimmy inside his igloo structure. Oddly enough Carl has an ice pop snack.
Jimmy: What is this?
Carl: Ye-ha this is the lair of the Carl clan -snort- pretty sweet huh?
Jimmy: Carl clan?
Carl: Uh-huh, this weather’s perfect for big-boned people like me. And soon the hunters will move on then we of the Carl clan will emerge from our long sleep. And the land will belong to the Hefty’s!
Jimmy: Long sleep? Yo-you mean hibernation?
Carl is shoveling the Popsicle into his mouth.
Carl: Uh-huh and that’s why I’m bulking up on carbs. Cause I’ll have to feed off the extra weight until the spring! And when I emerge, I will be fit! Strong! And my sunburn will be gone!
Carl posed as he listed each thing he will be after hibernation.
Jimmy: Sunburn? But I thought you had on SPF 50?
Carl: Well, I must have sweat it off. Hey, I’m real good sweater.
Jimmy: That’s it! Your brand of sunblock isn’t waterproof it dissolves with water. Carl you’re a genius!
Carl: Haha tell me something I don’t know -snort-
Later Jimmy is behind a snowbank his hair being a similar shape to the snow and wood piles nearby.
The hunting dads: Uck-luck-luck ya! Uck-luck-luck ya! Uck-luck-luck ya! Uck-luck-luck ya! Uck-luck-luck ya! Uck-luck-luck ya!
As the dads’ chant fade into the distance Jimmy pops up from his hiding space.
Jimmy: No time to lose boy, we got to find some water.
Jimmy drives up to a fire hydrant with water coming out of it, frozen water that is. Jimmy tries to hit it with his wrench for good measure.
Next him and Goddard are at Cindy’s pool, Goddard is scratching at the ice trying to see if any below it is unfrozen.
Cindy: Do you m-m-mind? Neutron? I-I’m t-trying to enjoy my p-po-ol!
Later Jimmy is at home trying to fill his bucket with water from the tap it is to no avail. Judy and Hugh are at the breakfast table eating giant pieces of meat on the bone.
Hugh: Don’t waste your time sport! All the pipes are frozen solid.
Judy: Sweetie eat your caribou before it gets hard and icy.
Hugh: Mmhm.
Jimmy: Come on, think, think, think!
Carl: Hey, I’m a real good sweater!
Carl’s voice echoes in Jimmy’s mind waving around the stick to his already consumed icy treat.
Jimmy: Brain Blast! Of course, perspiration! With its high oil and sodium content, it doesn’t freeze as fast as ordinary water! But I’m going to need plenty of sweat.
Later Jimmy has Carl, Sam, and Officer Tubbs gathered in his living room. They’re all standing in tubs in the floor that are hooked up to a collector.
Jimmy: Gentlemen! I’ve selected the three of you. As you are the most likely candidates in town whose girth will provide the maximum probability of intense perspiration!
Carl is looking around excitedly hopping up and down slightly in his tub.
Jimmy: Miss Fowl?
Miss Fowl: Hayahooo bwaa!
She begins to chant rhythmically as she pounds on the drum.
The three begin to jog in place in their tubs. Both men on either side of Carl are sweating buckets.
Jimmy: It’s working!
The tubs of sweat go all the way to a giant spray bottle in the backyard that is slowly filling up. The spray bottle has two bands of red on the top and bottom interrupted by a thicker band of blue and in the center of the canister is Jimmy’s decal of an atom in yellow. Just above the atom is the word sweat and below it is spray. There is a giant ladder to the top of the spray can with a diving board attached at the end.
Carl: Uh I-I’m just not sweating’
While the other two men are covered in sheets of their own sweat Carl is relatively dry.
Jimmy: Come on Carl, you can do it. The whole towns depending on you, you’ll be a hero!
Carl: Really? Okay -breaths in- eeeeeeeeeeeehyeyeegagaeee-
Carl starts moving even faster really pushing himself to run-in place even faster.
Carl: - aheeehhehahaha whoo hooho
He succeeds in sweating just as much as the other two. Officer Tubbs and Sam cheer for Carl as he sweats. Later everyone stands on the neutron back porch, Judy, Hugh, Officer Tubbs, Carl, Sam, Miss Fowl, and Sheen stand as Jimmy hops up on the diving board and starts to jump up and down on it he hits the spray, and a large mist of sweat is thrown into the air. Everyone there starts to sniff themselves and the air around them.
All: Ew.
The clouds clear and the sun comes through. Everyone cheers.
A voice not belonging to anyone there shouts: Yeah alright!
Hugh: You did it child of she who is my woman. Now you’ve given us the gift of the sun.
Jimmy: -Sniff- If only I could give these guys the gift of roll-on deodorant.
Carl, Sam and Tubbs sniff themselves in all their sweaty glory.
Carl: Whoo. Uh, does anyone have a scented towelette?
End card.