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The following is a transcript of Grumpy Young Men
(Opening shot: Iris into a close up of a purple-yellow monster, cut to a terrified Carl, then a frightened lady, followed by a terrified Sheen, it is revealed to be a poster at a video store visited by Jimmy, Carl and Sheen)
Jimmy: I don't know, guys. $15 is a lot of money.
Carl: Well, Doombringer II is a lot of game, Jim.
Sheen: Now, remember (he takes hand of the said game) it's for mature players only, so act even more maturer-er than we usually do. I'll try and grow a mustache.
(He tries to do so, only to realize nothing happens)
Jimmy: My dad's over 18. I'll act like him.
(Cut to Doombringer II- and three-dollar bills and four grey coins being placed in the counter by Jimmy with Carl with ice cream in the background)
Jimmy: (mature-ish) Well, howdy there, Clerky Clerkotron.
Clerky Clerkotron: (hands the objects) Beat it kids, this game is for mature players only, due to violence, exaggerated mayhem and old lady kicking.
Sheen: That's not fair! We're highly mature. (pounds fist) I demand my constipational rights.
(The three get the boot, cut to the next shot with Sheen raising his arm from the bottom-left corner with Jimmy and Carl next to him)
Sheen: (O.S.) How 'dare' he throws your father out of the store!?
Jimmy: Come on guys, Let's go do something "age appropriate."
(They leave the scene, except for Sheen who gets the rest of his body back to the scene. About to return to the store, with an evil grin on his face)
Sheen: Hey you! Check it out! I'm staring at it with both eyes, and you can't stop me!
(The clerk throws the ice cream onto Sheen's eye)
Sheen: (grunts) I stand corrected.
(Cut to the boys walking home)
Carl: (sighs) I wish I could be 18 years old right now.
Jimmy: Hmm, I suppose theoretically a person could accelerate his metabolism to make himself 18, but it would be highly unethical.
(Carl and Sheen gasp)
Sheen: You mean the only thing standing between us and hot multiplayer action is the difference between right and wrong?
(They pause, staring at each other and start running)
Jimmy: Well, yeah, but guys... (He is dragged by Sheen and Carl as the camera starts zooming his atom symbol red shirt) Whoa!
(Cut to: Jimmy's lab. Metabolic Accelerator)
Carl: So, um... how's it work?
Jimmy: Allow me to demonstrate using this acorn. (he throws it into the accelerator, disappears)
There's a big tree on the other side now with a squirrel in the hole now.
Carl: Oh, I get it, now we just get the tree to rent the game for us.
Sheen: Don't be stupid Carl, first we teach it to drive, in case they ask for photo I.D.
Jimmy: No guys, don't you see? We use the Metabolic Accelerator on ourselves.
(Jimmy walks over to the Metabolic Accelerator’s controls)
Jimmy: Target age... 18...
(Jimmy pulls the lever, and he steps in front of the Accelerator with Carl and Sheen)
Jimmy: Ready? On the count of three. One, two...
Carl: Please let me still like llamas. Please let me still like llamas.
Jimmy: Three!
(The three of them run through the Metabolic Accelerator one by one)
Sheen: (Examines himself) Wow. It’s cool being old. Behold my manful stride.
Carl: Uh, Jimmy, we all look the same.
Jimmy: Hmm, that’s strange. Then again, humans are more complex than acorns.
Sheen: Which one of you guys wants to help me comb my back hair? (Combs his own back)
Jimmy: Or not. Okay, w-well maybe we should call it a day, guys. I’m sure I’ll be able to figure out the problem after a good night’s sleep.
(Cut to Jimmy’s house. It’s morning.)
(Jimmy stops his alarm and walks to his mirror. He sees that he is now elderly.)
Old Jimmy: (Yells, then turns to Goddard)
Goddard: Ahhhh!!!!
(Suddenly, the doorbell ring. Old Jimmy opens the door and yells in the shock that Carl and Sheen who are now elderlies)
Old Carl: Jimmy, is that you way over there?
Old Jimmy: Guys! Something went horribly wrong.
Old Sheen: Oh, geez do you think? And another thing: these kids today wear their pants too low! They're down under their stomachs, for crying' out loud!
(cut to the lab)
Old Jimmy: Maybe I shouldn’t have made the all important time brake out of a soda can.
Old Carl: Fix us, Jimmy. I don't want to be this old for 50 more years.
Old Jimmy: Well, you don't have yo Carl. (takes his calculator from his pocket) According to my calculations, we'll continue to age until we turn to dust at 6:03 this evening.
Old Carl: But, I'm allergic to dust.
Old Jimmy: Well, don't panic. I just need to get ahold of enough titanium to make a stronger time brake.
(cut to the downtown, Old Jimmy driving a car along with his folks on the street)
Old Carl: Jimmy, are you sure your mom wants us to drive her car?
Old Jimmy: Well, I'm at least 75 years old. I think i can make my own decisions.
Old Sheen: Hey! I know what you're doing! You're trying to take me to the nursing home! (pounds on the car's window) Let me out! Let me out!
Old Carl: Sheen, be careful! This car's going an excess of 7 miles an hour.
(Old Sheen pants, checks his pulse, and faints)
(crashes into the Candy Bar parking lot. Old Carl closed the car door.)
Old Sheen: You know, when I was a kid, the sky was bluer! And a quarter would buy you groceries for a week!
Old Jimmy: Gas planet! Does anyone remember what we drove down here to get?
Old Carl: Well, I like a canary to talk while I watch TV and eat soup.
Old Jimmy: (spots at the Titanium store) Hah! Titanium. That's it. (he heads to store for some help)
Old Sheen: I think Jimmy wants us to follow him.
Old Carl: Yeah. Of Course I've Always wanted to try the senior Buffet at the Candy Bar.
Old Sheen: Right behind you, my wrinkled friend.
(Old Jimmy was looking both ways until he got attention from Cindy, Humphrey and Libby wearing girl scout hats.)
Cindy: Wait, proud senior, we will assist you.
Old Jimmy: Cindy. Oh, no.
Libby: Come on, he doesn't look interested.
Cindy: Libby, do you want to earn your Buttercup Girls helpfulness badge or not? (to Old Jimmy) Take my arm, extremely old but still valuable senior citizen.
Old Jimmy: I don't need your girlie help.
Libby: Yeah, you do.
Old Jimmy: I do not!
Cindy: Listen, Pops, we can do this the easy way or we can earn our Tae Kwon Do badges at the same time.
(Cindy and Libby grab Old Jimmy's hands to make him struggle.)
Old Jimmy: Let go of me, you harpies. I'll have the law on you. Help! I'm being old-napped.
(cut to the candy car, Old Carl and Old Sheen gorging on the bowls of rice pudding and Sam walks by.)
Sam: Hey, Oldilocks. What's the big idea, you and your bingo buddy taking all the rice pudding from the buffet?
Old Sheen: It says seniors eats desert free.
Sam: You're supposed to buy an entree FIRST.
Old Carl: We did. I had a hamburger in here yesterday. (Both him and Old Sheen laughing) Oh, my spleen.
(meanwhile cut to the outside of the Titanium store. Inside, Jimmy is thinking something what he needs)
Old Jimmy: Now what was it I wanted? Something starting with the "T". Tostadas, turpentine?
(Hugh enters the stores and mistakes him for an elder stranger.)
Hugh: Well, hey, old-timer. I like the way you're wearing your pants. I've been thinking of wearing mine more like that, Maybe growing out my nose hair a little bit. (takes his glasses off to have a closer look of Old Jimmy.) You look familiar.
Old Jimmy: Oh, no, I'm just a strange old man, and not your son after screwing up an experiment. (chuckles)
Hugh: I know. You remind me of my father, except you're not always saying, "Huey, I told you, toothpaste isn't food."
Old Jimmy: Not possible. I don't have any family.
Hugh: What? Oh, well, that's terrible. (grabs Old Jimmy's arm) Come on. Come with me, I'll get you a nice home-cooked meal.
Old Jimmy: But I can't. I have to buy something with a "T".
Hugh: I'll get you a nice cup of tea.
Old Jimmy: Let go!
Hugh: Come on.
Old Jimmy: I said let me go!!
Libby: Hey, look. Mr. Neutron is trying to get a helpfulness badge, too.
(Hugh pulling Old Jimmy from the fire hydrant.)
Cindy: And I thought we were aggressive.
(cut to the Candy Bar, Old Carl was listing to jazz music until he heard a snapping noise)
Old Carl: Sheen, quit snapping your fingers! I can't hear the music.
Old Sheen: That's not my fingers! It's my spine!
(An old woman walks to Old Carl)
Old woman: Hey, good-looking. (chuckles and show the dance slip to Old Carl) Wanna get jiggy with me?
Old Carl: Oh, no thanks, old lady. I'm full of pudding, so...
Patch-eyed man: Hey, punk, you making time with my gal?
Old Carl: No.
Old Sheen: What if he is, Rumpled-face-skin?
Old Carl: Uh, I wasn't. I don't even like girls yet.
Patch-eyed man: I challenge you to a dance-off.
Old Sheen: He accepts!
Old Carl: What? No, I don't!
Seniors: Dance off! Dance off! Dance off! Dance off! Dance off!
(Old women grab Old Carl's hand to swing the big band music and everyone dance.)
(cut to the home)
Judy: Here's your dinner. I put it in the blender first, so the chewing doesn't tire you out.
Hugh: So, what do you do before you retired, old-timer?
Old Jimmy: I can't even remember what I'm supposed to be doing now, but I think it's real important.
Hugh: Well, you know, maybe if we guess, it'll jog your memory. Let's see. Did it involve swinging heavy things?
Old Jimmy: N-No, I don't think so.
Hugh: Well, that eliminates lumberjack and executioner.
Judy: I wish Jimmy would come in from the lab. His dinner's getting cold. Oh, Hugh, remind me to take the pie out at 6:03.
Old Jimmy: 6:03! (looks at the clock) Oh, no, that's it. I'm going to turn to dust in five minutes!
Hugh: Oh, now don't say that. These days doctors can keep a person alive way past their usefulness.
Old Jimmy: No, listen to me. I'm your son, Jimmy. And if i don't get out of here, I'm going to keep aging until I turn into dust.
Hugh: (laughs) Sure, you will, old-timer.
Old Jimmy: I've got to get that thing that starts with a "T". A toaster? No. Turkey bacon? No.
Hugh: Okay, bye-bye, now. (sighs) I can't wait until I'm so old that I babble like that! Babble! Babble! Babble! It's going to be great! (Judy gives Hugh an awkward smile)
(cut to the outside of the house.)
Old Sheen: Hey, Jimmy.
Old Jimmy: Sheen, we need something in the next two minutes, or we all turn to dust.
Old Sheen: If it's rice pudding, we're in luck. Carl won a lifetime supply at a dance contest.
Old Carl: Yeah. Oh, and this titanium trophy.
Old Jimmy: Titanium? That's it! Follow me, and hurry!
(Old Sheen follows Old Jimmy, but Old Carl wheel on the street as Old Sheen grab him.)
(cut to the lab)
Old Jimmy: One minute left. Quick, hand me the trophy.
Old Carl: And you are...?
Old Jimmy: (takes the trophy) Hopefully this titanium will be a more stable time brake as we try reverting to our original ages.
(Puts the trophy insides and pulls the lever and the portal is active.)
Old Jimmy: Through the beam, quickly.
Old Carl: How about a nap first to build up my strength?
Old Jimmy: No! Sheen, help me out.
Old Sheen: (snores) 332, I've got bingo!
Old Jimmy: Guy, look, half price on prune-whip.
Old Sheen: Half price?
Old Carl: What are we doing here?
(They all enter the beam as they shove together.)
Old Jimmy: My bursitis.
Old Carl: Get off my bunion!
Old Sheen: Move, you old coot!
Old Carl: Who are you calling an old coot?
Old Jimmy: Well, if the corrective shoe fits.
Old Sheen: I'm coming', prune whip!!!!
(Goddard pushes three elders into the beam and cuts outside of the lab. The boy are back to normal.)
Jimmy: Well, i certainly learned my lesson.
Sheen: Yep, it's really true, rice pudding is nature's gruel.
Jimmy: Uh... actually, I meant that being a kid is a pretty good deal.
Carl: You got that right brother.
Jimmy Carl, what are you eating?
Carl Just some prune whip from your lab.
Jimmy Carl, there wasn't any prune whip. That's my experimental truth-telling serum!
Carl Oh, Jimmy. that's ridic... (drops the truth serum and spoon as he enters a truth-telling trance) I stole Jimmy's toast the other day. Sometimes I dream about girls.
Jimmy Maybe we better go.
Carl, I don't think Ultra Lord exists.
Sheen: LA-LA-LA-LA-LA! I DON´T WANNA HEAR IT!
Carl: My mom is really 42. I just ripped a....
Sheen: MAKE HIM STOP!
(fades out)